Author: Sikkilynn

Welcome to the brainchild of a single mother that runs on Caffeine, Chaos, and cuddles. I'm not entirely sure what you're going to find on this website. But I am sure that you're going to get to know plenty about me by reading these pieces. See you there!

My Top 5 Spooky Girl Products

Sikkilynn

Being weird has always been an everyday vibe for me since middle school. I’ll never forget the judgmental looks I would get as a preteen that followed me into my teenage years. Then a certain style saved me. It did not make me any less weird by far, but it helped me find myself….and made me somewhat unapproachable.

I started wearing all black and fell in love with chains and skulls. Needless to say Hot Topic and Spencers were my favorite stores growing up. The nostalgia of my early 2000’s Nirvana shirt gives me chills. My love of all things weird and spooky never left, nor was it just a phase as people wrongfully predicted. I’m 31 now, and skeletons doing yoga poses bring a giant grin across my face. I’m definitely rocking basic spooky girl vibes all day every day. Tattoos, piercings, skull hoodies and t-shirts. Maybe you’ll catch me in a skull dress when it’s warm out. I love the aesthetic so much. I may never be able to fully explain my love of spooky and creepy oddities, but I don’t want to change it.

With that being said, let’s check out my top Five Spooky girl products:

  1. Thick Thighs, Witch Vibes – Pop Socket

This trendy looking pop socket has been on my phone for about a year now. I get compliments because I paired it with my super creepy skull phone case . Things I love are that it only just now started fading, it’s interchangeable with other Pop Sockets. Another fun Pop Socket I like is this cute witchy one. Let me know what you think and which one you like more 🙂

Thick Thighs, Witch Vibes Pop Socket from Amazon

2. Black Magic Witch Moon Phase Mirrors

BLACK MAGIC Moon Phase Mirrors – Amazon

These are amazing looking! They definitely bring a homey and creepy vibe. I’ve had my eyes on these puppies for a long time. They were finally on sale so I scooped them up. Something I love about these is that Black Magic sends two different ways to hang them up. They have Sticky Stuff or Double Sided tape (temporary vs. Permanent). I love having the option to have them up temporarily or possibly damage my walls with the more permanent route. May the odds be ever in your favor.

3. Nightmare Before Christmas Tarot Backpack – Loungefly

NBC Tarot Card Back Pack – Loungefly

This is definitely one of my favorite bags. It’s so versatile and doesn’t take up much room. I get a lot of people asking “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?”. So I want to ensure I get this linked in. I’m definitely learning to love Loungefly. They have so many different designs and themes for the same Movies. They’re so versatile. Seriously, who ever would have thought that I could find a NBC bag where the characters are show in cute little tarot cards? I certainly did not at first.

4. Heat Changing Constellations Mug

I’ve been trying to cut down on the energy drinks (again), so I’ve gotten this cute heat changing mug and some delicious Hibiscus Green Tea. I even got an automatic Tea Kettle so that I no longer need to burn my tongue trying to relax. Pair this with an oversized hoodie and either a crime show or horror movie and you’ve got the perfect chill evening. If you’re feeling extra adventurous, cuddle up with a Stephen King novel. I’m currently reading Sleeping Beauties, by both Stephen and Owen King.

5. Death Moth and Floral Bedding Set – Queen

This beautiful bed set comes in a cream base and black base. The bed size options are Twin, Full, Queen, and King. This set covers softness with silky texture. It’s one of the most top rated spooky bed sets on Amazon too. Be aware though, this is a comforter cover. You put your basic comforter inside and zip the bottom. Definitely a good winter fix unless you have a thinner comforter.

I plan on continuing my exploration of creepy and odd decor. If you have any recommendations or ideas, don’t hesitate to share them in the comments. Thank you for hanging out! Stay spooky my friends!

Aggressive Science

Sikkilynn

I’ve been looking for fun and educational activities for my oldest son and I to do together. Things have been rough between us in the past years. There was a point that I didn’t see him at all because I was borderline homeless. So trying to reconnect has been challenging. 

Things are definitely better now, but his favorite human in the entire world moved to OK with his wife and their kids. It broke his heart and in turn mine. His father and I co-parent beautifully alongside his wife. My son facetimes him every night and even plays online games with him. While things are getting  better, I can’t help but feel as though there is some resentment from him. 

There are tons of reasons I decided to keep him here. Same school, family, supports, and friends. I could go on about the psychological wellbeing of a child in a comfortable and stable network. But I won’t. I am in no way shape or form a medical professional. It just felt right. 

All of a sudden a discovery science kit with geodes came across my screen. We love all things crystal in my house. This is one thing my son and I both enjoy. We research stones and all of their different properties. I threw it into my cart and decided I would check it out later. 

A couple days go by, and we find out his Nana passed away. This was his Pop-Pop’s mom. My son has seemed so down since we got the news. He says he doesn’t want to talk about it, so I’m hoping he’ll come around eventually on his own.   He understands death, but he doesn’t totally understand what it does to people. I used this situation as a learning experience to talk to him about compassion. When people we love lose someone that they love, we should be there for them. That night his grandma and pop called him to see how he’ s doing and that was the perfect time for him to check in on them. He had a great talk with them, and after they hung up he was crying. I didn’t understand at all. He claims that he wasn’t that close to his Nana, but he was bawling his eyes out. He didn’t want to talk about it so he crawled onto my lap and we just sat there for a little. I didn’t know what to do or say. This was the best response I could come up with. Once he went upstairs I decided to get him the Geode Kit. It went into my cart and shipped by the next morning.

The kit was delivered two days later. When we got home, I opened it and checked out the instructions. All you needed was the kit and a hammer. As soon as I laid my youngest down, here comes my oldest with the kit in hand and a huge smile. As promised I walked into the kitchen with him and we took the contents out.

Included in this kit were a bag of 10 geodes, goggles (Safety first), two crystal displays, and a magnifying glass. He was slightly disappointed that the box did not come with a hammer. I laughed and asked him to grab the hammer from my toolkit.

After reading the instructions, it turned out that this kit was pretty simple. Take hammer to rock and hope it breaks open. Parental guidance highly suggested. We took out the first geode and laid it into the cardboard in the box. We did all this on the kitchen floor in hopes to make cleanup easier. He grabbed the hammer and swung at the rock in front of him. There was a very loud bang so I decided the kitchen was not our best idea to do this. After some research involving chizzles and socks as alternative geode breaking tactics, I decided we would just go outside.

He laid the very same rock on the sidewalk and with both hands on the hammer, he swung fast and hard. The rock broke open into small little shiny pieces. The sheer joy in his eyes overpowered my paranoid motherly instincts. He did have goggles on after all.

He continued swinging on rock after rock. Some were easy to break, and others required more hits and more power. He laughed and got out so much pent up aggression. Aggression I didn’t even know was there. I’m sure there are other less messy ways to go about this, but this is what worked for us.

Once we were done we went inside with the shattered geode pieces. He grabbed the booklet and sat for about 30 minutes talking to me about which rock had which name or classification. He gave me a small piece for my shelf and asked to take the book to school with him to show everyone in class.

That night I put him to bed feeling just a little bit better. Obviously this isn’t a way to fix everything in my tiny human’s world, but it was a start. It alleviated just enough pressure that he could laugh freely and go to sleep. That was good enough for me.

Since then, I’ve had a few people ask about where they can find The National Geographic Geodes. It Includes 10 geodes, Goggles, Detailed Learning Guide & 2 Display Stands – Great STEM Science Gift for Mineralogy & Geology Enthusiasts of Any Age.

Check out the geode kit below:

NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC Break Open 10 Premium Geodes – Includes Goggles, Detailed Learning Guide & 2 Display Stands – Great STEM Science Gift for Mineralogy & Geology Enthusiasts of Any Age

This post contains affiliate links. This means I may earn a commission should you chose to sign up for a program or make a purchase using my link. It’s okay – I love all of these products anyways, and you will too!

IDK who needs to hear it, but leave the past in the past.

Sikkilynn

I’m as guilty as anyone else when we talk about digging up old relationships. It’s actually quite terrible how bad I am at it. I had recently gotten out of the relationship with my oldest son’s father and poof. There go all my rules and regulations as far as dating goes. I instantly connected randomly with my Ex for a brief period of time after that breakup. I still kick myself in the ass for it, and I wish I had just stayed the hell away. Mind you, that was 2017. Fast forward past my rebound relationship and we have circa January 2018. Dude was the love of my life for a long period of time. When we broke up back in 2009, it ripped me inside out. It started what would be a year and a half of the worst decisions I have ever made in my life. It burned from my toes to my brain, and it was my first run in with ever feeling that way. Shortly after that breakup said dude started dating one of my best friends and had a baby with her. Once I cleaned up, things were tolerable for a long time and I even got to babysit the little guy. I’d gotten over it and things were copasetic for a while. I chalked it up as a blessing in disguise and went on with my life. I met my sons father and we were together for 5 years. That’s a long time in retrospect. I probably would have done things differently had I known any better. However, I want what I want. I know I deserve better. Well….that’s sure as shit not what I ended up with. Enter stage right, Enrique. Fresh outta jail. I had basically grown up with the guy and his mother had passed away. So I went to the memorial and reconnected with a lot of people.

That lead to one thing and next thing you know I’m running away and unknowingly pregnant.

My following decisions weren’t that much better. I ended up in a 2 year addiction cycle from hell. I will never down or Shane anyone in recovery. But I also may never date anyone in recovery ever again too. The manipulation, deceit, and heartbreak that this relationship caused me are unparalleled to any other relationship I’ve been in. I quickly learned that he felt as though he was in a situationship. Narcissistic tendencies and drug use fueled his feelings for me. The more I could do for him, the more he acted like he cared about me. And when I could no longer do for him….he just took it. And lied about everything and anything to make him look like the victim. He still makes me look like the villain and him the victim. It’s absolutely absurd, and reinforces why I left in the first place. Everything for a reason.

Enter stage left…being alone. I stayed alone for months. I had a fwb that turned into something much more. But that’s for another post completely. I was able to sit with myself, my thoughts, and my feelings. I was able to sort my life out after that failed relationship. I was lonely sometimes, but it doesn’t rain forever.

I will never allow a partner to break me down that badly again. I can’t afford it. Not only for my myself, but for my kids. I’ve grown so much in the past year alone. I’ve been working my ass off to make sure we are okay. I’ve left the state for the first time in god knows how long. I’ve gotten a house for my kids and I. The list goes on. And I’ve found a partner that values me in every way possible. Even before we started dating, he was kind, compassionate, and nothing but respectful. I viewed him as a lesson that if a guy can value me like that without even being my boyfriend, I deserve more. Now he has become a permanent fixture, and I couldn’t be happier. I’m good, my boys are good, and my relationship is healthy.

You literally can do anything you put your mind to. Here’s to reaching all of my goals next year. Stay classy! 😘

The A**hole Named Anxiety

Sikkilynn

So, odds are that you’re reading this because A.) you’re my friend and trying to be supportive. B.) Saw the word anxiety and thought “Hmmm I have that”, or C.) Both.

I am literally crawling out of my skin for no reason. None. It’s a rough night at work, but that happens all the time. I work with tractor trailer drivers…. shit gets rough. So for those of you that are not familiar, anxiety is a mental health disorder. Almost everyone I know has it at some point, but maybe that’s just because I hang out with anxious people. Who knows? If you have anxiety, I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

What do you do for it? How do you alleviate the feeling of having an elephant on your chest and stop the electricity pumping through your body? The instant fight or flight response when there is nothing to run from or fight. I’ve had psych doctors suggest grounding, breathing, medication, phone a friend, go outside, go for a walk, and so on. Some of these work for some people…But for some people, none of these things work. Do you even know what those things are?

I do, I have insanity part B. This comes into play when you know what to do, and do nothing. You know how to make things better and move forward… but you just don’t. Sometimes it goes hand in hand with Insanity part A, which is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. It’s rough to live in a body where anxiety is king. It dictates what I can and can not do, can and can not eat, who I can and can not see. It’s bull sh**.

Yet, here is my subconscious trying to help. He tells me to drink more water, eat better food, get more exercise, and meditate. I know these things will help me, and I know firsthand that these things work. So why the hell can I not seem to get my life together enough to do them? It’s like I’m a gluten for pain, and I hate it. It’s been a main source of my self loathing for as long as I can remember actually. I legit talk to myself all the time and try getting into a groove to better my entire life. Why is it so hard?

Let’s Google it.

So, according to Psychology Today , research is showing that switching your brain into positive thought mode is still very beneficial. Apparently we confuse simple with easy. This actually kind of makes sense to me. It’s not easy at all. Simple, yes. All you do is replace the negative with some positive. Highlight gratitude instead of focusing on what you don’t have. These things sound simple, right? But they’re difficult. You literally have to undo years of damage accumulated to your thought process. For some people, that’s years of hate, years of abuse, years of human discord, and years of self loathing. Even if you can change one thought a day, that is a huge deal.

Keep in mind, in order to facilitate any type of change you need to take action. Have you ever seen the Shia Labeouf video of him going “Just Do It!”? I dunno about you guys, but I instantly thought that is easier said than done. I sit there and work all day with monetary motivation, but without that I’m just scrolling on FB and taking care of my kid. I beat the stuffing out of myself on a daily basis because I think I’m lazy and kind of a POS. But that’s what I was taught at a very young age. I wasn’t allowed to go out and play because I’d be “kidnapped”. Looking back on this, I’m pretty sure I would have been returned fairly quickly. That’s not the point, but this is what I was raised around. Illogical paranoia that sits in the back of my head mocking my every thought, making simple tasks in life daunting and unmanageable. I know this to be false. I understand now how things work, including my thought process. I understand how to better my life. I understand the chemistry between the human body and food, and I understand how to fix what I have deemed wrong with me for so long. But I haven’t done anything about it. All the “What If’s” float around in the mess that is my brain. Here’s one that I’m sure everyone is familiar with… “What if I fail?”. Such a simple phrase surrounded by complex ideologies. This takes us back to simple vs. easy in a different magnitude. This is Understanding vs. Doing. It’s highlighted in that aforementioned article.

Now, let’s talk about abuse. We know damn well we shouldn’t deal it from anyone. It’s wrong essentially. So what happens when the abuser is yourself? Negative self-talk is one of the biggest downfalls of human planning. The ever notorious “I can’t do this, what was I thinking?”. It gets in the fu**ing way all the time. I’ve managed to turn around at least 40% of my negative self-talk, and I am slowly increasing that percentage. “Self- blame gets in the way of self-empowerment.” If we aren’t going to take anyone else’s sh**, why do we take on so much of our own?

I bet your minds are trying to wrap themselves around what I’ve said. What all of this comes down to is that positive thinking creates positive emotions. This can also take me into the rabbit hole of “Law of Attraction”, but we’ll get into that at a later date. Thoughts become things. Our life is literally made up of things. Physical beings surround us at any given moment. How they affect us is up to us. This is all very challenging, I understand that. But what is the worst thing that is going to happen? What terrible thing is going to occur because you don’t want to be miserable anymore? Try it. I am. Things will get better, but only if we let them.

Introduce Yourself! I am Vikki, and I run on Caffeine, Chaos, and Cuddles.

Sikkilynn

Introduce yourself? That’s a rather broad topic. I also don’t particularly enjoy talking about myself. What do you want to know? Interests, childhood, career? Why this woman is creating a blog about bullshit? Let’s explore this subject more.

I’m tired. Life has become exhausting, and I’m done with it. I’m not talking about physically exhausting either. My brain is severely fatigued from the amount of bullshit that it consumes on a daily basis. Can you count how many times you’ve been lied to in a day? I’m willing to bet you can’t. Realistically we believe some lies. We’re human beings that survive on connecting with other human beings. We want that connection to be genuine, so we overlook our gut instincts. You could have been lied to all day and not know it. It blows my mind how “Ok” people are with lying all the fucking time. As a single mother running on caffeine, chaos, and cuddles, I’ve given up on correcting people. It’s not even worth the energy to me. I’m literally in my head thinking of a good reason that condones lying. Of course there are different variants in lies and how they impact our relationships. Lying is just a small portion of the bullshit I deal with.

Bills, almost everyone over the age of 18 has them. You get up, you go to work, you get a paycheck, and then poof. It’s gone. The idea reminds me of that little flying money emoji. Sometimes I don’t even get the chance to see the money before it’s been autosucked from my account by someone that I owe money to. Trying to balance the money making side of life and the heart and soul side is difficult as fuck. I wanna spend more time with my kids, but then I don’t make as much money. I wanna make tons of money, but then I have no time with my family and friends. How do you make that decision? The foundation on which we as Americans have built our monetary system is flawed. It’s immoral, unrealistic, and just wrong. How the fuck do we have football players making more money than a doctor? Catching or kicking a ball should not even be compared to saving people’s lives. Think about it. I bet you can find other comparisons that are outrageous. But this goes to show you where we stand. It’s wrong.

Have you ever made a smaller, moodier version of yourself ? I have. I made two of them actually. Boys. It’s a whole nother world with boys. All that shit you thought was gross growing up is now supposed to be cool. Fishing, worms, farts, poop jokes, etc. You get where I’m going, especially if you are a male figure. They can be adorable, reckless, annoying, energetic, and hungry at the same time. It’s a rollercoaster between “I can do it by myself, mom” and “Mom where are you going, I need you”. We’re going to get into the trials and tribulations of motherhood in more of my posts. Raising boys is going to be difficult. But man, is it good to be Queen. They may rub me the wrong way sometimes, but they would do anything for me. They love me when I’m a good mom and when I’m a bad mom. They are my soul providers of those aforementioned cuddles I need to survive. They will never doubt the love that I have for them. In good times and in bad. Forever my babies you’ll be.

I think that’s a pretty good overview of what is to come. But know that there will be something out of the scope of these topics. Somewhere and somehow I will find something else to write recklessly about.

Welcome To Caffeine, Chaos, and Cuddles.